On Weddings

I recently discovered something surprising. It was a surprise to me, anyway, who have always had the vision of myself following the tradition of so many brides before and doing it church-style with walking down the aisle as the crowning moment of months and months of preparation. The surprise wasn’t delivered with a banner and itchy party-hats, but rather subtly – a light touch against my hand: I don’t want a church wedding.

I was attending a wedding for a beloved relative, taking place in a small church in an even smaller community in Southern Sweden and it was beautiful, and they were so happy, and she was crying and the people beside me in the pew were crying and it was all very by-the-book (in the best sense) and then it hit me that the rituals surrounding the marital ceremony is not for me. Not anymore.

I’m not going to go into a discussion about religion because it would mean a digression of about a hundred pages, and so I’m merely going to mention that I was not born into a Christian home, a friend influenced me into Christianity when I was fifteen, and then, a few years back, after debating with myself back and forth what I actually believe in, I’ve concluded that, though I have faith that there is some sort of force linking us all together, what I don’t believe in is religion itself, as an institution, as a guiding arrow for my life. I have every respect for those that have chosen a religion to follow, but I’ve discovered that it’s simply not my cup of tea.

This is why, when listening to the vows being made before God, I realized it would be a lie to stand in a church before a priest and have them bless my marriage in the name of a god I don’t actually believe in. If ever I meet the Man with a big, wide, swirly M, I will want to tie the knot, but I would like to tie it somewhere personal, somewhere special that will mean something to me (and before a justice of the peace).

Here are my top five spots where I would love to get married:

  • A large country estate (don’t care how old it is, as long as it’s truly vintage)
  • A park with the service held underneath the trees and a tent set up for the party (granted it doesn’t rain.)
  • On the deck of an old ship at sunset (granted the sea isn’t rough.)
  • Visingsö (it’s just so pretty there)
  • Brahehus (because the view of Visingsö is stunning)

Brahehus, Sweden.

The fact that it would take a Whole Lotta Money is something I am dually ignoring.

I also like these things about Weddings:

Traditional wedding munchers.

  1. The Bridal Shower
  2. Cake
  3. Dancing
  4. Happy People
  5. Gifts
  6. Cake

Gifts and cake in-one!

Chocolate addiction!

(Would it be considered greedy to have four different cakes, you think?)

And I do want the white dress, a big, sweeping, fairy-tale princess vision of a dress. And a nice piece of ice for my finger.

But what I want the most is to have this visual acknowledgment of my love for someone else and his love back for me. I have friends who don’t want to get married at all, they don’t believe in the concept of marriage itself, and though I can, in a way, agree with them – I don’t think that getting married means having a greater chance of spending the rest of your lives together – to me it is the proclamation I want. I suppose a ring only says so much (it can always be taken off), but it’s still a romantic symbol of a shared vision for the future, and I want it.

I also want the Man with a big, wide, swirly M, but I suppose I’ll just have to be patient with that part of the equation. I have some possible candidates who I’m keeping my eye on, though.

Oh, yes,




~ by mescribe on September 13, 2010.

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